Last night, I had an awful time with my diabetes (ALSO: Happy Diabetes Awareness Month!). As I lay down to sleep, my Dexcom alarmed- I was going low.
Annoying, but manageable. It’s happened before, I just needed to eat a little something and I’d be fine.
An hour later- BEEP. Another hour later- BEEP. Multiple trips downstairs, multiple snacks, multiple lows which meant I didn’t actually get to sleep until sometime after 4am.
I had plans for today.
I wanted to wake up early and make my way over to a co-working spot I had bought a few passes for, feeling the slow creep of winter isolation setting in.
And at 4am, my little girl wanted to scream FUCK THAT WE’RE WATCHING MOVIES ALL DAY + EATING ALL THE THINGS. I’m sad and tired and mad and it’s just TOO MUCH.
That’s my old pattern: things are unfair, my needs are compromised, and I stomp my feet and let my emotions run the show and fall into a deep martyrdom that is just SO comfy.
But it’s also debilitating. One day can turn into many. And then the guilt and the shame come to join the party. And we spiral together until I’d finally feel like “ENOUGH!” and I’d move on without really spending any time tending to my actual needs.
But I can choose differently now. I can tend to my emotional needs AND my promises I’ve made to myself + my business.
I slept in. I felt the anger and the grief of living with a disease that often baffles me.
I got up showered, put on real clothes and had a smoothie.
I went to make my way to the co-work spot because PLANS.
I changed my mind + hit a local coffee shop so I could bail if needed without traffic woes and snowstorm complications.
I got a decaf. A cookie. I’m writing this.
I’m keeping my promises while being present to my emotional needs without them taking over. It’s a regenerative way of being. It builds resilience, trust, compassion, love.
If you believe you could use some loving re-parenting, connect. http://bit.ly/chatwjo