And the thing about thriving that no one tells you about is that HEALING is an intrinsic part of the process. In fact, it’s a natural capacity that you have, a blueprint that lives within you, just waiting to be uncovered, that unlocks the key to your greatest aliveness.
We’re told to finish school, get a degree, and then get a good job.
Find a mate. Marry them. Have kids.
And then POOF! You will be happy and fulfilled.
What we’re not told is that people you love will pass, you’ll hate your job, and you’ll consistently fall into bed every night with an endless list of conflicting priorities, opportunities missed, and the big question: is this what my life is always going to feel like?
The bottom line is, DIFFICULTY happens. PAIN happens. DISCONTENTMENT happens. We forsake our natural impulses, instincts and desires in favour of to-do lists, other people’s expectations and the demands of living in a society that puts more pressure on the individual than ever before. And often to survive the realness that is life as a human, we become numb.
But, all is not lost. And the capacity to change all of this heartache is within you. And you don’t have to earn it, you don’t have to suffer, and you don’t have to be anyone but the woman you see in the mirror daily. And it can all start to shift NOW.
This is the legacy of deep healing:
My story isn’t one for the ages. In fact, I’ve lived a mostly average life. The youngest daughter of two kids to parents who married and stayed together. I lived a relatively easy life in the suburbs of Eastern Canada.
As is common with most young girls I know, I had a tumultuous + hurtful relationship with my mother, with my body… with the world in general. My teenage years are scarred with terrible fighting with my family, the grief of incredible self-loathing + self-doubt, and a long list of missed opportunities while I was just trying my hardest to fit in, feel like I belonged, and be deeply loved and understood.
Over the years, I alchemized my pain into numbness. I survived. I even experienced a few beautiful rainbows- despite it all, I still had considerable privilege and love in my life. I had great friendships, the ability to travel and explore myself, and the security in knowing that at the end of the day, I would be taken care of.
And yet, I was miserable.
It was during high school that I was first introduced to reiki + meditation, and it was in my second year of university when I finally decided to leave home.
A 13 hours drive from home, to be exact.
Leaving home was the easiest thing for me. It brought new freedoms, it provided me with the space to start sorting out my anxiety, my self-doubt and more importantly, what I really wanted for myself.
A year later my world was rocked by the sudden passing of my father. Not to sound trite, but death had long been a theme in my life. From the passing of relatives and friends, my initiation to Death had begun at the age of 10 and had been consistent for years.
The sudden passing of my father brought on a new initiation of sorts- a deeper journey into my capacity to really have myself– to feel, to love, to grieve.
The first few years after his passing continued like all the others. But a crack had opened in my wall of numbness and things were starting to leak out– mostly big sloppy tears at the most inopportune moments.
These emotional cataclysms led me to seek help for the first time. First came a therapist that provided great relief to my unending parade of shit-talk. Then came the books on emotional healing. Then came reiki, again, but this time with formal training. Then came the blossoming of my own healing gifts.
The doors kept opening, and I kept walking through them– though to be honest, it sometimes felt like I was dragging my butt, kicking and screaming.
And it wasn’t all cozy chats over coffee and healing circles.
I was diagnosed with diabetes. Relationships began and ended. Friendships came to completion. Loved ones continued to pass away. I struggled to find my way, to ask for what I wanted. I learned to be safe in discomfort, that it was okay to be imperfect.
In 2018, I spent two months caring for my mother post-surgery and 6 months later, I spent 90 days caring for her as she eventually passed away from pancreatic cancer. It was a big feeling year for me + has tested my ideas on healing and possibility and now, I feel stronger and more peaceful than ever.
In the wake of that loss, I dug deeper into healing. I reinvigorated my own reiki practice and fell deep into service, volunteering to work with families experiencing cancer. I worked intensely with an energetic healer to come into better relationship with my ancestors. And I emerged myself in an intensive six-month trauma training program, and learned how to work with deep difficulty in a way that blooms beautiful, sustained change from the inside, out.
My own healing path hasn’t been linear, and in the process, I created a helluva lot of suffering for myself. I want to give you the sacred shortcut. It’s still the Big Work, but it’s better done in community, trust me.