Thanksgiving has come and gone in Canada, but it’s here today for our neighbours to the south, and given today’s particularly bristling cold here in Ottawa, I thought it might be a good idea to start a gratitude list, or in Abraham-Hicks language: a gratitude rampage.
Gratitude rampages are good for a couple of things, in my mind. For starters, I can’t think of a reason why you wouldn’t want to remind yourself every day of all the amazing-ness that surrounds you- be it blessings, people, opportunities, the sunshine, the socks on your feet. Secondly, I think it’s a really interesting exercise in truly noting where your mind space is at. If you’re struggling and starting with the socks on your feet, it’s a good indicator that something is off in your day. Maybe you need a nap. And finally, gratitude rampages have the power to completely shift that funk (and if it doesn’t, then I’d highly recommend that nap). Even if you’re not in a funk, listing out all the things you’re grateful for a few minutes will automatically take your vibe higher. And when we vibe higher, we attract miracles. Miracles being: a new client, a new connection, a profound feeling of love, a better sleep, a mindblowing conversation, mindblowing sex, etc. You get the picture!
Here’s my small list for today. It isn’t anything glamorous or meaningful, but as you write, pay attention to what happens in your body. Maybe your heart gets lighter and bigger. Maybe you start to smile or laugh. Maybe something magic happens.
So without further ado, here’s my list: for this new computer and the means to have purchased one, for the work I do today, for feeling like writing and actually writing, for the juicy yoga class I had this morning, for the opportunity to receive yoga, for my meeting yesterday to discuss a juicy new Reiki volunteer program, for the women who attended my first reiki share last night and took a chance and a leap in practicing for the first time, for Reiki in general– like, A LOT, for the blood and belonging course that I’m in and the opportunity to explore my ancestry, for my roots, for my mother, for my father, for grief, for laughter, for New Girl, for the internet, for access to drinking water everywhere, for my journal, for myself, for my body that carries me above and beyond where I want to go, for high speed blenders, for coffee and eggs and just breakfast in general and all the choices I have, for choice.
For the puppy that was born this week that will be coming home to my house. for my house. for my bedroom that is so cozy. for slippers, for a surprise free lunch!, for warm boots, for the sunshine on a cold day, for sweaters, for healing, for my own healing, for my own limiting beliefs and fears, for procrastination, for doing the work and showing up, for community, for my big glowing heart, for expansion, for headphones, for music, for my partner, for cuddles, for night socks, for taking risks and applying for podcasts this week, for my dear dear friends, for the supportive environment I’ve cultivated dearly for the last few years, for feeling at home in my body, for turkey, for turkey mixed with gravy mixed with cranberry, for more and more opportunities coming my way as I continue to open and open and open…
And there you have it. Give it a try, and report what you experienced if you’d like!
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This spring I found myself on a bit of a personal pilgrimage through Europe, tending to myself after a long, hard year. It was such a gift to be able to travel (literally and figuratively), to see a new part of the world and spend time with myself. I shared the journey with my Aunt, and I introduced her to this new thing I’m into– taking pictures of myself instead of the landscape. Or me/us with the landscape. But never just landscape.
I’ve always shied away from being photographed. I think my exact words were probably something like this: “I know what I look like, I don’t need any pictures of it.” I used to think selfies were kinda dumb. To be more to the point, I thought they were just incredibly vain.
I recently cleaned out my mother’s home after she passed away suddenly this Winter. She had mountains of photos– she had mountains of everything. Everything + everyone in her life to her was worth remembering. And in going through those photos I noticed– it wasn’t her shots of the Great Pyramids, or the photos of 1970s (80s?) England that I kept, it was the different pieces of her in her adventures, in her life, that I needed to keep close to me. Her joy, her frustration, her sideways stares, her imperfect smile, her body. And I’m so grateful that she had evidence of her in her life and that she didn’t always hide herself away, even though I know she often wanted to.
This realization– this feeling of loss on top of loss– has stirred up some things within me.
In my mind, I look like a rolling belly. A weird half smile, maybe a bit of a double chin. A fuzz of hair that does what it wants. Small, squinty eyes that barely beam out from behind big plastic lenses. And sometimes, I’m quite complimentary of myself… If the angle is good, the lighting just right, the clothing falling the perfect way.
The feeling of looking out over the walls of a ruin in Germany at the breathtaking landscape and history. The moment my body felt like it could breathe again, deeply, for the first time in months. The salty moment of joy I experienced just watching the world go by and knowing that some huge weight had finally lifted. The day that I fully remembered that I had nothing to prove and had only to enjoy the gorgeous landscape and the feeling my strong + beautiful body propelling me by bike through the countryside. The moments of gratitude for being given such a gift + the simultaneous pain of the deep cost it bore.
When I embarked on my “selfies across Europe” journey, I didn’t really know what it would bring me.
Three months later, I’ve finally grasped it.
The truth is that I’ve always felt like I needed to hide if not all of me, big parts of myself. The bits that are weird. The jealous bits. The bits that wobble and shake. The bits that are angry + unforgiving. The soft bits. The ugly bits. The sacred bits.
What I’ve learned is this: I’ve robbed myself and everyone else of truly seeing me. And, I’m worthy of being known now in my fullness, and I’m worthy of being remembered later, as I am.
And so are you. Do you want proof? Let’s chat (click the link here)!
PS- here are a few of my selfies!