Last year I decided to embark on an intensive trauma resolution program with Rachael Maddox 8 months out of losing my mother.
While I had brought on significant support to help me transition into life post-loss, there was one area in my life that screamed at me: my desire to dream + build towards that dream.
In the wake of loss after loss, I found myself cycling between anxious and numb when it came to the next steps in my life; building a life, building my business.
My capacity to believe I could dream or goal set or expect any kind of sustained goodness in my life had come crashing down around me and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t JUST PUSH THROUGH.
Research shows that trauma significantly impacts our pursuit of personally meaningful goals, which directly impacts our personal well-being.
“Why dream for something if it can be ripped violently from your hands?” said my trauma. I was experiencing what the research calls a “sense of a foreshortened future”- I felt deep helplessness, an inability to overcome what I had internalized as a chaotic Universe that would SURELY take everything from me in an instant. Desiring anything was only painful, receiving it excruciating.
And, this wasn’t just about my healing, it was in my DNA. My parents both lost their fathers in their teens. My father’s favourite song was “Here for a good time, not a long time”- we played it at his burial.
And so it was the part of me and my lineage that screamed out for healing. That part that knew that old ways weren’t leading to liberation. An evolution of my tools was required.
And that’s what drew me to Rachael. What fuelled the desire for repatterning towards self-sovereignty, intimate belonging and clearer co-creation.
And slow, somatic healing was my new way; breath by breath by breath.
And I’m so grateful.
And if this support sounds like balm on your belly, let’s chat. Go here to book a complimentary call.
We cannot heal something which we will not touch. We can not move through something we’re unwilling to sit in. And we cannot find forgiveness that which we have not fully felt. You cannot release resentment before we fully express our anger in some way/shape or form.
You cannot heal yourself if there are still parts of you you’re unwilling to see.
I see a huge amount of importance placed on “letting things go” and non-attachment in the healing fields, and while this is a worthy goal, I think we’re missing the juice.
The juice is in being present with ourselves first. Of allowing space for the hurt to get in, so we can touch it with love.
And I want to be clear- the first step is a willingness. It is enough to want to feel, even if it feels impossible to do so.
Because within that small slice of desire appears a love that creates endless possibility. There are a bajillion ways to heal, but they all involve feeling that which is there to feel.The road may still feel unclear, and the courage may still feel out of reach, but simply stating the desire starts to move mountains. It places people and opportunities and experiences in front of you that is designed to lovingly open you up to receiving the gifts of your own inherent treatment plan.
And the rest flows in. And in a regenerative world, it flows in to match the timeline written in your blueprint. No rushing, no pushing. No crises, no pressure. Tears, yes. Feelings, lots. Difficulty, yes.
We’re re-writing the cosmos, afterall.
All this to say, if you’re willing, I’m ready. I’ve got some spots open for 1:1 work this fall into winter, the perfect time for settling in for a warm cup of tea with all the parts of you that feel out of reach. If you’re interested to know a bit more about my work with women all over the world, book a feeler call with me at the link in my bio. I’d be so happy to just know more about you.