The Blog

The Desire Map and My Wellness Journey

As a program, the Desire Map asks us to look at all areas of our life: body and wellness, creativity and learning, essence and spirituality, livelihood and lifestyle and relationship and society. But often, we can’t really see how it is that we can use this powerful tool to actually create the change we desire in our own lives.

Today, I want to talk to you about my relationship with my body and wellness. As an individual, I can say that this part of my journey has been very painful for me. As a woman, I can say that I know I do not stand alone in this. Women the world over are journeying with their bodies everyday and there are days that are really really ugly, and days of immense joy.

I know that throughout my life, I’ve related to my body in a detached way. I’ve long felt that my body was my biggest source of betrayal, the part of me that wouldn’t submit, that I couldn’t conquer. The shadow place within me that lead me down paths that veered far away from where I wanted to be, and instead drove me to the darkest places within myself. Fear. Anger. Shame. Guilt. Disgust.

These feelings permeated my body story. They dictated my relationship to my body, to food and to my own wellness. They distracted me from enjoying my life. They limited me, not just physically but mentally and emotionally in my relationship to others, my relationship to myself and my relationship to my higher work. And, after decades, when they were done ripping me apart, they seated themselves in my heart. My body and wellness became the untouchable story. My greatest failure and shame. And I truly believed that the story ended there. I decided that I was no longer going to be at war with my body, and I accepted defeat. I became apathetic. Decades of being overweight, years of exhausting and debilitating digestive issues. The final blow had been delivered in the form of a diabetes diagnosis, the disease that had taken my father.

I was done. I wasn’t surrendering to any higher power. I laid down, I suffocated my emotions in my own stories of victimhood. I packaged up all my guilt and shame about my body and stuffed it into a giant box in a bid to just forget about the whole thing. I took my medications and just went on with my life. I continued down my soul path, doing my own work but ignoring my embodied manifestation on this earth.

But it turns out that my path cannot be followed without addressing my body and wellness. She simply wouldn’t let me go. My stories taunted me daily.

My body screamed at me for attention but all I heard was war songs.

It was shortly after this time that I dove fully into the Desire Map process. And through that process had been forced to take a really hard look at how I was feeling in my body again. At the same time, a new path was making waves in my soul. New layers of understanding my own healing path were opening up before me to witness. And so a new way emerged, a new desire to be with my physical body and to understand her so that we could heal together. The foundation for this new way of being were my core desired feelings (CDFs). For the first time, I started seeing my body as my ally, then as my friend, then as fully me. I stopped hearing her war drums and started feeling into her fears.

The night that my CDFs came to me I was filled with awe. I was overwhelmed by their beauty and resonance. And they still get me… every time. And I’ve used them to steer me down my own path.

I wanted to feel still— like I could stop searching externally. I wanted to feel full— of grace, of peace, of knowing that I was enough. And I wanted to feel radiant— I wanted my body and soul to sing. And concentrating on these feelings led to great shifts. For the first time, I started seeing my body as my ally, then as my friend, then as fully me. I stopped hearing her war drums and heard her cries for the first time. And it has changed me.

Tomorrow I want to share with you all just how I’ve used these three words on my own healing path.


I’m always hosting Desire Map Workshops. Click here to learn more and reserve your spot today. 


Move Your Body-majestic trees in the back-Feeling stuck? My one tip that works every damn time-body, fear, lifecoach, move, movement, running, stuck

Feeling stuck? My one tip that works every damn time.

We all get stuck sometimes. Stuck in our negative thoughts. Stuck in our old patterns that no longer serve us. And, literally being stuck to the couch. Stuck on 90s Netflix reruns.

Why do we get stuck? We all have our own reasons, our own stories that give us permission to be stuck. I used to be the girl who would really bitch at myself for my more sticky moments. I would bully myself into movement, only to find myself right back where I started. Now, I check-in before I make any moves. Sometimes we need that permission as chronic over-achievers. Sometimes what we really do need is to sit for awhile in one place (literally or metaphorically) to find ourselves again when life starts to get a bit too wild.

But when it becomes dangerous is when we choose to stay stuck in that place for too long. You know the feeling- the gratuitous self-victimizing where we’re stuck because we just don’t wanna deal. Where we know it’s time to act, but the couch is just way more welcoming than whatever it is we’re hiding from.

So then, how do we get unstuck? How do we peel our ass off the couch when every bone in our body screams NOOOOOOOO.

You make a choice. Staying stuck is a choice, so take responsibility for that choice. Or… you decide that stickiness is for suckers (ha!) and that as a grown-ass woman you’re ready to try something different. You can do this in a number of ways, but one of the most effective ways is so simple it’s a bit ridiculous.

Move your body. Just move it around.


Flail your limbs around like a small child and scream if you want. Put on some Beyonce and get your flawless on {PRO TIP: Grown Woman is a great track for busting up stickiness}. Whatever makes you sweat. I have a friend who insists you can’t be sad when you’re trying to shake every part of your body at the same time (try it- tell me if she’s right!).

Monday, I was in a real woe is me mood. After roiling in my own teenage-y angst, I laced up my dusty runners and hit the pavement. And I’m not gonna lie- it sucked. My body is not made to swiftly bound through the streets- it feels more like pushing a full wheelbarrow through gravel. Grandmas effortlessly pass me on the paths, giving me looks suggesting I seek immediate medical assistance. In short- I’m a hot (red-faced) mess.

So why do I do this to myself? Because I know that this shit pays huge dividends.  I got back to the house and I was on fire! I easily tackled that work project that I’d been avoiding for a week, I banged out a few emails that I’d been procrastinating on, and I cooked up some magic in the kitchen.

And all this with a BIG, BEAMING SMILE on my face. Because I was kicking ass, my friends.

And the next day when I caught myself sinking into another sticky funk, I got on my bike (yay spring) and sweat it out. The change was so remarkable that a friend commented on my RADIANCE. Radiance people! This shit is for real!

So the lesson here is: movement in our bodies promotes greater movement in our lives. Makes sense, right?

So the next time you’re slipping into stuckness, how are you going to move your body and shimmy your way out of there? Let me know in the comments!




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