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I think this is super interesting and something I’ve been ruminating on a lot. I know we can hold love and fear at the same time. I think we’re capable of being scared AND not letting that mess up our attraction point. For me (at this moment, I can change my mind at any moment 😉 ) love and fear aren’t on opposite ends, but a circle. Feeling fear is part of our human experience, just as love is- they need one another, we need the contrast.
Closer to the question, I believe that if we listen to our intuition and bodies, we know when that fear is productive vs destructive. And we know when we’re hurting ourselves and others. I don’t like being guided by fear, but sometimes it’s the journey. And sometimes it is required to work through our trauma and process. And in terms of love, I think that being in relationships of intimacy with someone else is one of the most fucked up things we do on this planet but it’s also a MASSIVE desire for everyone I’ve ever met. It’s two humans smashing all of our humanness together, and it’s fucking beautiful.
And because of this, I don’t know a love without some fear.
But I do know that taking full responsibility for the ish we can see in our lives- the trauma, the drama, etc- is the best thing for my attraction point. And that some of that trauma can be worked out by me, in my bed by myself. But some of it needs to be taken onto the field. There were/are parts of me that could only be healed in relationship. And each of my relationships have been very reflective of that. Note that it wasn’t about working out my issues ON someone, but with myself in couple with someone, as respectfully and responsible as possible.
When we don’t deal with our stuff, we’re rejecting ourselves and we attract others that will reject our wholeness as well. It’s real reckless for our souls.
I think the responsibility part changes our attraction point. You can still be afraid, but you love yourself because you choose to be with you, and the person you bring in with that vibration will too.
I think believing fully in love doesn’t mean living fearlessly but courageously, as you were discussing above. And courage means being like “welp, this is what I’ve got, I’m gonna give it everything I have and feel it all and let’s see what happens.” Again and again and again.
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“Ask and you shall receive.”
“The Universe conspires to give you everything you want- just ask!”
These kinds of catch phrases run rampant in the coaching and new age community (guilty!).
So we get it. And we practice. And it’s hard (and I’ll talk about that at another time). But there’s something else I want to talk about today.
When we have this conversation, it’s usually about our Big Dreams To The Universe. You want to be abundant- ask for it. You want more freedom- ask for it. But what would happen if we started “asking for it” on a more person to person level (har, har… but, ya!).
I mean, what if we asked our nearest and dearest for what we wanted instead of holding onto all of these unspoken expectations of our relations. Think about it: we buy into the concept of being clear with the ever-knowing omniscient Universe to get what we desire… but not the closest, most important people in our lives (who, for the record, are not ever-knowing and omniscient)?
So ask.
If you want a special day planned on Valentine’s from your lover? ASK.
If you want that raise? ASK.
If you want to try new stuff in the bedroom? ASK.
If you want support? ASK.
Try this.
Affirmation: It’s safe for me to take up space.
If it feels a bit icky, push through. It’s only fear. You won’t regret it and your relationships will only bloom.
xo,
Jo
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