The Blog
How we manage our emotions today are ghosts of what we were taught.
I swear, living next to an elementary school is one of the best things that’s happened to me. Despite the midnight snow clearing and periodic school bells, every time I step outside of my house I’m greeted with a new lesson, which sometimes involves crying.
…. Be weird, no one cares. This includes walking in circles alone and mumbling to one’s self.
…. Run as fast as you can, feel the wind in your hair and laugh and laugh and laugh.
… Make up the rules as you go.
Today as I walked by, a young girl was standing by herself, abandoned on the recess field, pressed against the fence. As I got closer, I saw a teacher approaching, asking her to join the rest of the class. “I’m crying”, she responded, pressing further into the fence.
Her teacher’s response? A flat “Well, you can walk and cry. Come on. We have to get inside.”
I was horrified. My first instinct was to judge the shit out of that teacher. She shouldn’t have to cry in front of others? What if her face is red? Or her eyes? What a MONSTER. She didn’t even get down to her level and ask her what had happened? Given her a hug?
And then I got to thinking…
What should the teacher have done? Should she have stopped everything for this child to cry and talk about all the ways she was hurting? Sequester her in a corner where she can continue to feel ashamed of her tears? Or can she process her emotions on the walk, arrive a little bleary eyed, and realize that just because she was hurting, it doesn’t mean she needs to be ashamed.
She can walk and cry. And she can know that she has a few minutes with her teacher, walking hand-in-hand, to talk about what happened and how she’s feeling. She can be offered support that doesn’t dramatize or push aside her reaction. She can arrive, smiling yet tender. Cared for, seen, heard, and over it, or still in it. Without shame, without blame. And just like that, she’s off on her next adventure.
When did we forget that crying is natural and that emotions are safe? Perhaps we didn’t forget, perhaps it was taught out of us. How do we treat ourselves and others around us when we’re feeling deep grief or sadness or rejection? Do we feel powerful? Seen? Heard? HEALED?
Instead of stuffing, filing or pushing our feelings away. Instead of blaming and shaming our feelings away, what other choices do we have? None of these pathways {reject or regret} satisfy the core hurt. So what can we do instead?
We can walk and cry.
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Man, is it just me or have the past few weeks been super energized. I’ve really been feeling in my flow. I’ve been consistently moving in aligned ways, producing new and yummy materials, feeling totally in service with my clients. The Universe is delivering BIG TIME and I am receiving in new, expansive ways. I feel like I’m riding high on top of one of those huge waves from the surf videos- and I am killing it. Hang ten and all that surf bro stuff.
This is the zone. It’s the foundation from which I desire to build and expand myself and it’s the space from where I desire my business to grow. It truly is a lovely view from up here on this wave.
But the thing about waves is that they eventually come to shore. And sometimes you get to ride that wave gently to the shallows, and sometimes shit gets crazy and you find yourself surfacing, sputtering seawater out your nose, gasping for air. And it’s this first scenario that I want to speak to today. Because even though it’s gentle in it’s approach, the aftermath can be devastating.
Imagine a scene like the one I described above. You’re winning at life, everything is going your way. Life is fucking great. And then, all of a sudden… not so much. Things just feel a bit stuck. Perfect. I’ve talked before about what to do when you feel this stuck-age, but today I want to talk a bit more about what this actually is.
I’ve witnessed so many women falter at this step. The first sign of stagnation, we see as failing. And worse still, we start to see ourselves as FAILURES. Yikes- that escalated quickly.
This is simply not true.
What we’re experiencing is simply a period of contraction. Contraction periods come after we take massive action towards change in our lives. Sometimes these highs, or periods of expansion, can last weeks and months. Sometimes only hours. The same goes with the lows, or the contraction periods.
Expansion feels like awesome. Contraction is a period that’s generally marked by feelings of exhaustion, a lack of motivation, and a desire to hermit oneself. In a word: not-as-awesome. But so so important. And here’s why:
Periods of contraction reinforce our capacity to expand. They are mutually reinforcing of one another. They allow us time to rest our adrenals, to re- centre. It is here that we integrate the lessons we learned along our path to propel us on our next adventure.
Contraction is the sage woman to our wild soul. And together, they dance like our breath.
So the next time you find yourself pushing and struggling after a period of flow, breathe. This is a call to practice divine self-care. Dig out your list of all the things you can do for yourself that feel really fucking good (and if you don’t have one- make one now!). Devote yourself to nourishment for the next big wave. Cowabunga, dudes.
