I’m a firm believer in things happening for a reason, destiny, and being open to pathways that are in my best interest– especially the ones that make no sense whatsoever.
I used to give all of my power over to this part of the Life | Death | Life cycle: surrender.
“I’ll get what I am meant to” “If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen this way” or “I might as well not ask for anything because I’ll be given whatever is meant for me anyway” or “I cannot possibly be smart enough to know what’s in my best interest, so I’ll leave it to the fates”. Or better yet “I’d really like this thing but you know, the universe knows best so let’s just kinda sit back and see what happens”.
I thought that this was powerful surrender and would create space for brilliant things would pour into my life. But what it really looked like was me giving away all my power and instead of growing trust in the Universe and what was to come, I was incrementally picking apart my ability to trust myself and my choices and desires. I became very good at surrendering to life (a very very good skill!) but had unwittingly stomped out my soul’s creative fire.
I can’t live the depth of my humanness and a life brimming with purpose without stoking the
fire of creation through asking for what I want + taking action.
A brilliant client of mine states this simply. She has made oaths with the universe around her desires which might go something like this: “I desire a healthy, loving partnership in my life. Send it my way and I declare that I will take every opportunity and do all the work required to have it.
She puts it out there, and she follows the breadcrumbs and takes the action. She activatesher desire and through this process, easily co-creates the experience she wants. Notice that she doesn’t put any rules around how it should come her way or what it might look like when it does aside from the broadest desire: to feel good.
What are the things you truly want in your life? Have you asked for them? Have you held up your side of the bargain? What more can you do?
We are human beings that make change every day. We make decisions that guide that change everyday. Some decisions we make more easily than others.
Often times, we build up our decisions in our lives- why do we do this? Love the drama? I think that we tend to have in inflated idea of what consequences our decisions will have not only on ourselves, but the people around us.
In a past life, I worked for a youth centre. I loved that job to my core, but like many frontline jobs, it was killing me at the same time. I was overworked, under resourced and underpaid. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually… I was burnt out and completely exhausted. I knew that change was needed, but I didn’t know what to do. I finally decided to go back to school. After I made that decision, I completely freaked out about telling my boss (a lovely lady-honestly) because I was SCARED SHITLESS.
I was scared that she’s be upset. I was scared that the centre would die without me. I was scared that our hard work was for nothing. I was scared that I was abandoning these kids that I had grown to be my extended family.
Basically, I pinned the survival of 75 youth, and entire centre and one lovely lady on my decision. It just made sense.
In the midst of my self-inflicted torment, a dear friend offered sage advice. She said: “Joanne, in a few years this isn’t even going to make it on the list of big decisions you’ve made… you won’t even be talking about it“.
I felt the calm wash over me and decided to tell my boss the very next day. I cried, she cried, but we survived and she was nothing but supportive of my decision. Incidentally, the centre lives on, and the Facebook tells me that the kids are alright as well.
The advice given was key, but actually my sage friend was DEAD wrong. That big decision changed my life, but not in the way I had envisioned. I mean, I’m still talking about it.
Leaving that job altered my life course at the time. It felt huge (more on why later). But more importantly that experience taught me that life is but a series of decisions which are only as important as the drama you feed them and truly, everyone only wants to support you in your success. The massive break-up, the complete career switch, the time you decided to live abroad, the time you moved across the country for a contract (check, check, check and check). These are the decisions that life is made of. If you keep yourself in the drama-zone, you’re not trusting yourself to take a risk.
Next time you’re feeling completely overwhelmed with making a decision and committing to it (by telling someone), stop and think about why. Is this decision worth the drama or should you just get on with it?